You Can't FORGET Your PAST, You Have to CONQUER IT!

This message that was posted on Facebook provides some insight that needs further attention because there are individuals who are suffering from pain that is experienced from their past.  Many individuals believe they have healed from those past hurts however the moment that they are put in a situation that is reminiscent to the offense, they re-experience all of those emotions from that past issue. The reason that this occurs is because they attempted to forget their past, they never forgave the other individual, and they never forgave themselves.  These individuals attempted to let go of those hurts and never overcame the very thing that caused them to feel a loss of power in the situation. The result is that the situation overpowered them causing them to be "stuck" and unable to progress in that area of their life.

Everyone contains a different blend of personality characteristics that dictates how they will initially approach a problem in their lives.  There are those individuals with a "D", or "Dominant" personality who will take the direct approach in handling situations in their lives.  The "I", or "Inspirational" individual will look at the brighter side of the situation and use it as a learning tool to move forward.  The "S", or "Steady" personality type will attempt to avoid dealing with the problem in hopes that it will resolve itself.  The "C" personality who is generally the Conscientious type will analyze the situation in an attempt to bring resolution to the problem. The common ground of each personality type is that there is an acknowledgement that a problem exists however the approach to the problem is different.  

This can be an issue to those who are in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to acknowledge past hurts or transgressions.  They may be the "D", "I", or "C" personality type who dealt with the issue within themselves and moved on. They can be the "S" personality who just does not like dealing with conflict or experiencing any type of emotion that will cause them discomfort.  These individuals who approach problems in this way must remember that they are not in a relationship with themselves; they need to care about the emotional needs of the other individual as well.  This means that if one person has a problem, the other one does as well.  This is applicable to every type of relationship whether it is a couple, family, work, or friendship.  

In many cases, the person who is attempting to have an individual acknowledge past hurts or transgressions is experiencing problems moving forward from what happened that caused them pain.  They are essentially "stuck" and cannot move forward within the relationship.  They are looking for assistance because they believe that the other individual has what it takes to help them to grow from the experience.  It is as if the relationship is a flowering plant that was once  flourishing however a weed developed that is wrapping itself around the plant and hindering its' growth.  If that weed is ignored, it will continue to grow and the plant will remain stagnant.  The same will occur if individuals chooses to ignore the root problems that is causing pain and mistrust within a relationship.  The relationship will remain stagnant, failing to grow and deteriorating under the weight of problems that developed during the course of time that the issue was not resolved.  

There are many sayings that people use to advise others of how they should deal with past transgressions that caused a great deal of pain.  They may say things like, "You have to forgive and forget" or "Stop living in the past".  The thing is, you can't forget your past, you have to conquer it.  Those who choose to ignore problems in life will find that they will have to deal with those issues subconsciously when they do not address it on a conscious level.  They experience various symptoms such as depression, high blood pressure, anxiety, and a host of other medical and mental health issues that stem from unresolved issues. The way to conquer an issue is to deal with it directly with the other individual or within oneself. 

There are methods used by mental health professionals to help individuals to overcome issues when they are unable to address them with the offending party.  These methods often allow for the person to verbally express their emotions in an environment that is conducive to the healing process. Therapeutic interventions such as Person-Centered Therapy or Solution-Focused Therapy allow for the client to express their emotions in ways that they believe will help them to deal with their issues.  This is accomplished with an empathetic therapist who allows for the individual to express themselves without the fear of being condemned for their feelings about an issue.  These approaches are welcomed by many individuals however these methods should be implemented by the individuals who are in the lives of these individuals. 

Those who are in a relationship should provide a safe-haven for each other to share their problems and concerns. There should be open communication between empathetic listeners who establish among themselves that they will not condemn the other for expressing their feelings.  Those within the relationship should have mutual respect for one another and they should established ground rules that protect each person within the relationship from experiencing further emotional pain. Everyone has the ability to conquer their past and resolve the conflict that has taken root. Through guidance, those individuals who find it difficult to establish communication within a relationship or understand certain behavior types can learn how to overcome relationship pitfalls.  

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For more information on human behavior and personality types, check out our website at www.ars-mhrcs.com/DISC-Consulting.html